**Please forgive my typos as this is a pre-work post**
I hate sports.
When people first start dating, they usually will try to hide some of their more unsavory characteristics from their partner, at least for the first six months.
B hid a thing or two.
I hid my hatred for sports.
It started when I was little. I grew up in a house of sports fans.
If there was a game on, my shows, my cartoons would be changed to whatever stupid sport was on.
I decided then and there, that I would never like sports.
Purely out of spite and stubbornness. (I get this trait from Horst)
Lo and behold, I married a sports fan.
I read a lot now.
With all the sports, TV is often unavailable.
But I'm not here to talk about my dislike of any and all sports.
I am here to talk about the stubbornness thing.
It has been a bad few months.
You know that old saying, "No good deed goes unpunished"
That happened and I was given a task that I did not want, do not like and really has brought me down in many ways.
My anxiety has been through the roof.
I am very unhappy in my present situation.
I have a long term plan and changes are coming soon.
But not soon enough for the way that I have been feeling.
(By the way, this does not have anything to do with my domestic situation, still happy with B, despite his love of sports... You can do the math, if you like)
The past few days have been the worst, I was low.
I was done, I was so close to walking away.
It is definitely not the time to do that, but I couldn't bear another second.
Then, this little feeling grew.
An angry defiant little feeling
It blossomed overnight.
I am for the first time, ready to face the day without a knot of anxiety in my stomach.
Sometimes, when you have exhausted all of your energy that comes from the usual channels, you can find new resolve to stay the course from anger, spite and stubborn resolve.
Today, as I go about my business, doing what I have to do, I have three little words that will keep me going.
If you are at your wits end, ready to throw in the towel, and you have to just keep going because there is no other choice, please feel free to use them as well.
In your head, out loud, up to you.
Today I just have to keep going, this next year, this last year, I'm still here,
because fuck you.