Sunday, December 30, 2012

Snow Day Musings

I miss my birdfeeder today.

With the snow all over and the slightly less than full moon in the sky, a few birds out at the feeder would have made the scene perfect.

Most likely the birds would have been cardinals, my favorite.

But the rat in the feeder last year put an end to all that.

I am tired and I ache from shoveling snow at 11:00 last night, but I am glad to be home. I always love to see B's family, but I love home the best.

Today will be a snow day for me. B kindly went grocery shopping while I was at work, there is nothing to do except a little cleaning and a few loads of laundry. I plan on making a snowman and many cups of tea and hot chocolate. The bees will most likely need to be dug out as well.

Horst just came up clad in baggy exercise pants that were tucked into motorcycle boots, it was quite a sight. He lacks both good dress sense and tact.

On his days off, he waits to hear me get up and comes upstairs to ask something or bring something up and stays to chat, paying no attention to the fact that I look half asleep and I am very obviously trying to write something.

He also likes to rush upstairs as soon as we get home from a trip, to fill us in on how the week was. He stands right in the middle of the main "traffic" area, while we are wrangling the kids, lugging in bags and preventing the damn cat from running outside.

Horst actually getting the hint would involve being very stern and direct with him, which would probably hurt his feelings. I never say anything, just nod and chat with him, while silently wishing he would go back to the basement already. He always, eventually, does that.

It's amazingly beautiful outside. I'm surprised that we didn't lose power with all the snow that is sticking to the branches out there. Driving home last night, the parkway on which I lived was lovely. All of the pretty houses covered in snow, with their Christmas trees still shining through the window.

I wanted to post on Facebook that it looked like a Thomas Kinkaide painting had vomited all over the parkway, but felt that I really couldn't just bring that comment home.

Never mind. Have a lovely snow day if you got snow. Don't slip, don't strain your back or give yourself a heart attack while shoveling. If you have a kid or two handy, be sure to make them a snowman.

Until later.

Thursday, December 27, 2012

Hello From The Garden State

I am currently in NJ, staying with my in-laws. Although I always have a nice time and I love Brian's parents, I miss my house and I especially miss my bed (the mattress I sleep on is brutal)

I've been OD'ing on Christmas cookies that sit conveniently in a tin on the counter. I am reading 3 books at the same time and have been watching a lot of Dr Who, so that has been relaxing and wonderful.

We drove along the shore yesterday to see the damage done by Sandy. That was sobering and sad.

I'm going to take advantage of the excellent kitchen table and the quiet kitchen to get some editing and revision done.

I'll be back on Sunday.

Tuesday, December 25, 2012

Merry Christmas

“On every world, wherever people are, in the deepest part of the winter, at the exact mid-point, everybody stops and turns and hugs, as if to say, "Well done. Well done, everyone! We're halfway out of the dark."
Back on Earth we call this Christmas or the Winter Solstice.” – Doctor Who, A Christmas Carol

Last night was full of Christmas magic. I was able to take the night off from work, Everyone got their cookies in a crap bag. Just before midnight, I walked Gus, who had vomited all over the kitchen and porch, and saw the very first snowflakes begin to fall.

Even into this morning,more magic, I managed to get up before the kids(!) and have a few moments before the yells and thumps of feet resound throughout the house, to sit and write this. The Christmas lights are on just outside my window and the snow is falling.

I hope that whatever higher power you choose to answer to (if you have one) blesses you and keeps you and yours, today and through the year.

I hear children upstairs stirring.

Well done everyone!

Well done.

Thanks Tricia for turning me onto that lovely quote

Monday, December 24, 2012

High On The Hog

"So Azog is really dead, he actually died in that battle. It was Bolg, his son that came down to the Battle of Five Armies."

"Oh and the Witch King of Angmar, he doesn't show up in the book, but they never tell you the details of what Gandalf was doing when he left the company."

"Remember they mention the Necromancer during the party at Bilbo's house in the beginning of the book?"

"I liked the wood elves better in the movie. The ones in the cartoon looked like crazy aliens."

"I expected the Great Goblin to be green."

These are snippets of the conversation that we had while driving home from "The Hobbit" yesterday. I looked over at B, who picked us up from the movies. He had a amused but pained expression on his face. He prefers non-fiction books about sociology. V and G sharing my enthusiasm for Tolkien is a small win in our amicable war of influences. I will go on the record and say they are both very well-rounded. They like Hobbits and American history.

Lyd could give a shit about Hobbits, she didn't want to see the movie and has no interest in American history.

It was truly an exciting time for me, taking the kids to see it. We are currently re-reading the book and they like it even better this time around. I have been reading the same battered copy since I was a little kid. I probably know way too much about Tolkien and Middle Earth, it is my love for those books that gives me entrance into the land of pure geekdom. I even took a Sci-Fi/Fantasy lit class once that focused on Lord of The Rings.

It was great, every once in awhile, during the movie, V or G would make a comment about the movie vs. the book. They were excited at certain parts that were only seen in their minds or on that ancient Rankin & Bass cartoon (I will always enjoy the depiction of Smaug from that cartoon as well as Gollum).

The only problem I had with the movie was the hedgehogs. I took my kids to the movie knowing that there would be very violent and scary parts. I had no idea that there would be a part with a DYING HEDGEHOG!

It wasn't in the book. If it was in the book, I would have probably hesitated before taking V, who in many ways is very tenderhearted, especially when it concerns hedgehogs. They are his favorite animal. He is also in that childhood phase where he doesn't care how many people die in a movie as long as the dog makes it.

When Radagast picked the dying hedgehog up from the forest floor, I glanced over at my visibly tense son and said, "Oh shit." Watching the the hedgehog squirm in it's final death throes, I knew that we may have to leave the movie just by the look on poor V's face. "Fuck!" I said to myself.

But then a miracle occurred, the hedgehog came back to life. V squealed with joy and I sat back with a relieved sigh, silently thanking both God and Peter Jackson for their mercy.

After that, we could watch the rest of the movie, with all of it's violent scenes and scary monsters, in peace and relaxation.

All because the fucking hedgehog lived.

Saturday, December 22, 2012

Saturday Von-isms

We're still here! I told V that the world wasn't going to blow up on the 21st. I don't know how he got wind of that a few months back, but I could slap the a-hole who told him.

It's Saturday again. My 16 hour shift is looming ahead of me. Who knows what horrors await me.

No it's not that bad, really. I just have a lot to do and the time I am working could have been spent doing something else.

I am looking forward to Christmas. It looks like I pretty much pulled it off again this year. I am 1 gift card and a few hours of wrapping away from being finished.

Every year I try to think of ways I could have done it differently. So far the only thing I can think of for next year is opening some sort of Christmas club account. The money you end up spending..

The other day I was watching V draw first thing in the morning. He was so cute, his head down and his little neck exposed.

I love that. I kissed the back of his neck and told him I loved him. I also told him that I love to kiss the back of his neck when it is sticking out like that. V said, "Ok, just don't stab me there."

Horrified, "What?!"

V stopped his work and looked at me, his eyes as round and big as dinner plates. "It happened to King Tut!" he said.

I must have looked stunned.

"They stabbed him in the back of the neck and he was only 18!"

I sighed and said, "Jeez, so much for tender moments."

V did not respond as he had gone back to drawing.

Friday, December 21, 2012

Christmas Cookies in A Crap Bag.

I'm done with the fucking cookies. I am done taking Horst shopping and the presents have shipped. Best part about those two tasks are when they are done.

When I finished baking at midnight, the world didn't explode. Doing alright!

On Wednesday I was welcoming the apocalypse, but this morning is ever so much brighter because I am pretty much finished. Most of the things I have left to do can be spread out over the course of the weekend. A lot of things don't even need to be done.

I have a friend at work who likes to do a lot of the same things that I do (baking, knitting, etc.) It's nice to have someone like that at work because you have something else to talk about besides the job.

She is very funny. She told me a story about how she got in trouble at her old job because she slipped an enema into the purse of the program nurse. The nurse was mortified at the prank and she got into big trouble.

I told her that she could slip an enema into my purse any time, I welcome any chance for a laugh. Especially anything that involves potty humor.

Every year we bake cookies and exchange them. Our baking styles are different. Her cookies are delivered in a nice little tin, nestled in little cupcake papers. The cookies themselves look great. She made sparkly ones, and chocolate drizzled ones. They really look amazing.

I was talking to her about this as we drove back to work from LaSallette Wednesday night, our different cookie types, our presentation, etc.

My cookie style is this. I bake very simple types of cookies with minimal decoration. They are put in a clear plastic bread bag and tied with a twist tie. I told my friend that my cookies speak for themselves and don't need fancy packaging.

I then told her that I use those same bags to pick up dog shit as well.

Call it extreme holiday minimalism. Call it laziness and being cheap. It's Ok.

Think of it! You can eat the cookies and then pick up your dog's crap! You could really get into the spirit and pick up after someone else's dog!

If you are one of the lucky recipients of my Christmas cookies in a crap bag, enjoy! The bags are perfectly clean!


Happy Yule!

Wednesday, December 19, 2012

Holy God.

I am taking Horst to do some shopping and then on to the post office.

Right after that I am putting in my application for sainthood.

Tuesday, December 18, 2012

Dandelion Break

I have a lot of baking and wrapping and thinking to do right now. I'm also going to do some other writing.

There is a whole lot of talking going on right now, but very little is actually being said.

Nothing is going to bring those people back.

It would be nice to rise from this tragedy and be kinder to one another, reach out to your neighbor, think before you speak or write that thing on Facebook, use common sense when regulating weapons, especially ones that belong in war zones, not in peoples homes.

There are a lot of ill people out there. I personally know people who are capable of violence without remorse. I thank God they have services to help them.

I wish that I could come up with a funny story for you guys. I like that there are more of you out there reading my little blog.

It's just that life is not very funny lately.

Bear with me, I'll keep trying.

I like what Jason Alexander has to say

And this from Cracked was a good read for today

Sunday, December 16, 2012

I love you more than...

On Sunday morning, I woke V up and he held his arms wide open for a hug and said, "I love you more than Christmas!" I think I said that I loved him more than candy or something. What came to mind was the above clip, especially the little girl's last line.

Does that make me a bad mother?

On the other front-
I thought about it and decided that I am not going to mention or watch or listen to anything about the shootings on Friday anywhere near the kids. If they hear about it and have questions, I'll answer them as honestly as I can, keeping their personalities/sensitivities in mind.

G & V very briefly overheard a tiny snippet of a news report in the car. I turned it off immediately and G said, "I don't want to hear about that."
I replied, "No, you really don't."

I pre-wrote this for Monday as baking mayhem commences in 30 minutes-9 varieties to bake in 5 days, and work, and write and take a few minutes several times a day to use the bathroom. Oh yes, and that pesky Christmas shopping too.

The annual cookie fight was more of a cookie nag and snipe this year. Tradition!
I'm glad that's over with.

Saturday on Sunday

V had his first reconciliation yesterday. That went well, although at one point I got a little anxious while he was in the confessional. I leaned over and whispered to B, "Jesus Christ! What's taking him so long in there!"

The priest didn't call out for special reinforcements and afterwards there were cookies. All in all it wasn't so bad.

I only had 4 hours off on Saturday afternoon so after that we planned on getting our tree because the weather is supposed to be rainy on Sunday. We stopped at home to change before going to the tree place.

Sadly, V found his fish, Mustachio aka. Burt Reynolds aka. Snowy aka. Sweaty, floating belly up.

We had a quick funeral. Burial in the ground, not at sea, aka. toilet. V was pretty sad. I promised him a Beta fish after Christmas. He wants a hedgehog. Nice try.

We got our tree, the perfect fit. Six feet and narrow, as planned. "Just like my men!" I exclaimed gleefully as we got out of our car at the tree lot. B just gave me a look.

I returned to work at 4 and received a call that I had to break the news to one of my clients that their father had passed away.

"At least I'm still living!" my client said brightly after I told them. I was also reminded not to die by the same person when I announced that I was going to work in the office.

That person is sad, but processing it in their own, matter of fact way. I do like my clients.

On another front-
Westboro Baptist Church? Picketing the Sandy Hook school? Surprise. Surprise. Those people are like a weeping herpes zoster on the "you know what" of America. They are the 1 problem with freedom of speech. (I'm sure there are more cases of people who take advantage of the freedom of speech amendment to say and do really stupid shit, but cut me some slack-It's 7:30 in the morning.)

Have I written before about my idea for those fuckwads? I may have posted it on Facebook. It's Ok, I'll repeat myself, I think that the more I write here, the more that will happen.

Someone needs to keep track of the members-whenever one of them passes, someone should gather up a big crowd that includes drag queens-you need the drag queens, of course.

Have a big party outside the funeral. Be sure to blast, "Another One Bites The Dust".

I know that it's just doing the same thing they're doing and two rights don't make a wrong, but I'd go.

Saturday, December 15, 2012

You Never Know

Something about this squirrel picture makes me happy

I am thankful for Netflix and the Wii, which kept the kids from the real news yesterday.

I don't know what to say about this. It makes me very very sick. I was glad that I didn't turn on the TV yesterday. B called me just before I had to get the kids from school.

Just like everyone else, I hugged them a little tighter. I thanked God that they are still with me. You just never know. One second and then your life is changed.

I am nobody to talk about it. I am nobody to say why it happened or what I think was going through that sick person's head Friday morning. I have opinions, but I am keeping them to myself.

My children are upstairs tucked in their beds, no idea what's going on. If they get wind of what happened, I will tell them and be honest and careful in what I say. I really hope they don't ask.

Last night a lot of little kids got extra dessert, cookies and stayed up with their parents just a little bit later. They got these things because of those kids who didn't come home.

It's a nice way to honor those poor children but heartbreaking at the same time. It's also important to remember that little kids are dying in horrible ways all over the world, all the time.

On Friday morning, V&G ran ahead of me when I dropped them off at school. They went inside the building without a goodbye or a backward glance. I let them go with a laugh.

On Monday morning, I will grab them before they run off, give them a quick squeeze and a whispered, "I love you."

You just never know.

Here are some pictures of small birds. Small birds always make me feel better.

Take care my friends.

Friday, December 14, 2012

The Confessions of V. Holt

"G you bastard! Get your fat ass out of bed!"

I nearly dropped the knife I was using to make a sandwich.

"V! What was that?"

"Sorry, G wouldn't get up."

V's first confession is to be held on Saturday.
A priest at the church described listening to children's first confessions as being "stoned to death by popcorn."

He has yet to contend with my son I suppose.

I have had several people say that they wish they could be flies on the wall when he goes into the booth to make his confessions. Me too.
I'm thinking that if that were possible, V would have a small black, buzzing cloud following him in there. A scene right out of Amityville.
They'd probably hold an exorcism posthaste.

I'll let you know on Sunday if he said anything good.

Thursday, December 13, 2012

Conquering The Inner Squirrel

Why can't the squirrels around here look like this?

I am working on taming my "inner squirrel".

There are times, especially during the holidays, where I just have to get one more thing. Those things add up to a lot of things, and my bank account certainly does not appreciate it.

I used to spend money as a way to relieve stress. This was a very stupid technique, as I would follow up my spending by being even more stressed about the money I spent. Go figure.

But I would still have this urge to get more and more and more. It was a very twitchy, anxious feeling. Classic compulsion.

It reminds me of the way that a squirrel will run around frantically grabbing and storing nuts for the winter.

Isn't it true that 1/2 of those nuts get put in holes in the ground and are instantly forgotten? Total waste of energy.

The inner squirrel is sneaky and less obvious than the ordinary inner demons. Just like the real ones.

I used to hate squirrels, back when I had a bird feeder. I don't have it anymore and the neighborhood squirrels and I live in relative harmony.

But the inner one. It makes me squirm in my seat and screeches "BUY!BUY!" when I see another catalogue or get an email titled, "SALE! LAST DAY!"

I have learned to tell the squirrel to pipe down or he's getting the fucking hose.

I think in this season, everyone gets a little bit of the inner squirrel. There is always somewhere, that is having something, where people are buying more useless junk to throw on another person who is not important enough in their life or budget to warrant a real gift, a thoughtful one. (can you say Christmas coffee mug?). I think it is a way to say-"See, I got you something!" Sorry to sound like a Scrooge, but it is more of a way to alleviate guilt, than it is an actual heartfelt gift.

If someone out there really likes Christmas mugs and things like that-please accept my heartfelt apologies.

People get really offended when you insult crappy presents. Take the school's annual Holiday Shop.

My kids go every year to get gifts for us that we will never wear(except on Christmas) or in my case, are allergic to.

The kids do really try to put thought into the gifts and the musical ties are quite funny. But this year I was going to boycott it. Fuck The Holiday Shop!

I think B gets a musical tie every year.

I took the kids to a Holiday Bazaar at the local nursing home and they got some pretty good gifts there. I figured that on the day of the school Holiday Shop, I could slip them each two bucks to get themselves something.


G got $6.00 because she had to get something for her friend. Ironically, it was the friend whose mother has an intense dislike of The Shop as well. I though that was funny. I saw her Facebook thread about The Shop and some of the people commenting were VERY defensive in favor of The Shop.

V also got $6.00 because the only thing he bought at the nursing home bazaar was a stuffed triceratops for himself and a gift for G. The only reason he got a gift for G was as a bargaining chip in an effort to get her to reveal what she had gotten him for Christmas.

V has issues with waiting.

V said he wasn't going to get me anything from The Shop, instead he gave me a big hug and said that was my present. I pretended to be delighted and returned it with much enthusiasm, all the while thinking, "Cheap little shit." (I fully acknowledge my hypocrisy)

This morning, I saw what V had bought at The Shop. It was a little kit to grow a sensitive plant, one of my favorite plants.

Holding the package, I asked V, "Can I have this?"

Touche' Holiday Shop.

Wednesday, December 12, 2012

Day Off

I'm taking the day off from revisions and long laborious posts.

In a happy turn of events, my husband got a nasty cold and my gym date was cancelled.

After I eat my Nutella toast, I'm taking Horst to BJ's. After that B and I are going to the movies to see Lincoln.

He is too sick to work, but well enough to sit in a dark theatre with hot tea and popcorn. I will drive, OK HR?

Tune in again tomorrow when I tell you all about conquering my inner squirrel.

Tuesday, December 11, 2012

A Small Victory

Remember my older post about the stress of holiday baking? My whole Little Red Hen analogy? Yes?

Christmas baking has begun. I have made holiday hermits, which are a fruit cake like cookie and Pfeffernusse, which is a German spice cookie.

Pfeffernusse is my favorite because they look like they're really tasty to little kids. Because they are covered in powdered sugar, kids will grab the Pfeffernusse first. But they are a dense, spicy cookie. I have always enjoyed the look of utter disgust when they realize their mistake.

My brother and I used to be the same way when we went to our Aunt's house for Christmas eve. Tradition!

Nowadays, I usually try to warn kids because I like the cookies. A plate of cookies that have been bitten into and then put back is not a good thing. Especially when it's me that makes them.

My kids like them this year of course. That sucks. Less cookies for me in the end.

So this Friday, I will be really ramping up the cookie production. I'm thinking that because of the way I organized things, B and I may be able to side step our annual "cookie fight". Which is about the lack of help I get when baking the Goddamn Christmas cookies (as I usually call them after batch #5).

On Saturday, B took the kids to "Breakfast with Santa" at the school. B enjoyed himself a lot more this year as there were more people he knew to talk to.

He was talking to a friend of mine, who was talking to B about the granola I make. B, who loves to give me shit about all of the things I like to make, just had to say, "Cindy likes to make things that you could otherwise buy at the store." To which he and the friend had a laugh and he went on to say something about how it's more about the process for me blah blah blah. I believe this was an attempt to save face in some way.

I looked up from the paper I was reading. (Oh yes, did I mention that this conversation had begun because I had just sat down on Sunday morning? B can't just leave me be with a moment to myself.).

I replied with, "Oh yeah..Just like those Christmas cookies that I make for everyone at your work that you could otherwise buy at the store."

B paused for a moment and said, "Good point."

I leapt from my seat, raised my arms above my head like Rocky Balboa and danced around the kitchen saying, "Yes!" I ended my victory lap by slapping the table and sticking both of my middle fingers in his face.

Then I sat back down and went back to reading the paper.

There were a few other bright moments of our Sunday morning talk where I accused him of being a Momma's boy and of doing certain obscene things, but I guess I'll keep that between the two of us.

Just for the record, I actually look forward to B coming to bug when when I'm reading the paper. It always seems to end with the both of us folded in half clutching our stomachs in pain because we are laughing so hard.

It's for reasons like this that I am happy to make him his fucking cookies.

Just don't tell him that.

Monday, December 10, 2012

In Momorial

My mother died 11 years ago this morning. It was a rather surreal experience. I got the early morning phone call from the hospital telling me that she may not make it. My Dad had left my mom there in the ER because the milkman was coming and in his mind, she was very sick, but would be fine.

Actually, I recall that she told him to go home as well.

I had to wait for the bus and drop B off at work then drive down to Newport. I didn't make it in time. She died in the company of doctors, but not her family.

A far cry from her Grandmother, Nana PomPom, who died in bed, at home surrounded by family. Before she passed on, I was told that she smiled at each person standing by.

Even my Grandmother, went to a cookout on her day, when she felt sick and died suddenly. My mother was at her side.

I didn't make it and that has always bothered me. But in reality, I'm sure at that moment she was covered in doctors. They would have kicked me out of the room to work.

I had high hopes when I got there, after I was told the news, my father and uncle having made it there before me. I desperately hoped that she would have some look of peace on her face. A small sign that she was going to a better place.

This was not the case.

Every year, I plant Morning Glories in memory of my friend David, who passed away a few years back. He gave me a little orange pitcher that sits on my shelf in the kitchen. I think of him when I look at it. I think of him when I see one of his flowers in bloom during the summer.

Every year, I carve a cyclops pumpkin in memory of my friend Gig, who passed 8 years ago.

I keep my dog Shaz's collar on my rearview mirror in my car.

I have my Nana PomPom's wedding picture on my wall. She married the man from the next village in what is now Slovakia.

I do not have pictures of my mother on my wall. I rarely if ever go to her grave. The only time I ever really missed her and wanted her at the moment was at the birth of my children. Like right after, you're tired, you're holding a wet squirming (but very beautiful) thing that's crying. You want your Mommy, no doubt about it.

Missing my mother, honoring her memory was a difficult thing because her life wasn't all that great. In some ways I feel she was better off because anything has got to be better than the life she was leading.

Over time I realized that this was not entirely true. She had a husband (Horst-it's Ok to giggle, by living with him I think she should qualify for Sainthood)She had children who were not junkies, who were making very decent lives for themselves. She had a Granddaughter that she loved very much who, in turn, loved her. She had friends, she had books and TV. She had ice cream.

One day this summer I was walking out of my yard and spied a very lovely Morning Glory nodding at me. I thought of David. Then I thought of all the little rituals I engage in to memorialize my loved ones that have passed. I realized I do nothing for my mother. I became very ashamed.

She was a pretty good Mom, not the greatest, but she helped make me into the person I am today. She was a good hearted, kind person who never judged anybody. She deserved a little something.

I started thinking of what I could do. I didn't try to over think it because sometimes if you try too hard, it seems forced and false. So I waited.

I was in a store when I spied this shirt on the rack.

My mother used to live in a Quonset Hut. She told great stories about it. I can remember being fascinated by the idea of living in one.

I immediately bought the shirt. I also grabbed a magnet and sent it to my brother and reminded him of her Quonset hut stories.

I was happy to have that little token thing to remind me of her and her stories from when she was a child. I remember that she told a pretty decent story. I used to love to hear them.

She also could never finish a book. She would go to the library and get 6 thick hardcovers and never finish them.

It was my mother who made me into a bibliophile. After realizing that she gave me my love of books and libraries, I think of her as I read the last page. I finish books in memory of my Mom.

Except if they suck. I realized about a year ago that life is too short to sit through a crappy book, so if it sucks I put it down. After giving said book a good chance, of course.

Maybe I even got my love of storytelling from her as well.

Wow-this is like therapy, but free.

So if you knew Barbara, take a moment to remember her if you can today, because in her own way she was a really great lady.

I love you Mom.

Saturday, December 08, 2012

Out of Whack

My whole system has been out of whack lately and I realized why yesterday.

For about 2 months, probably less, I was getting up at 6-6:15 every morning to write alone and drink coffee. It quickly became my favorite time of day.

I would go to bed excited because when I woke up it would be my favorite time of day.

And then a few weeks ago, the seasons really started to change. I found myself unable to get out of bed and hitting the snooze button until 7, which gave me a mere 15 minutes to have coffee and go online to stare stupidly at Facebook or various blogs etc.etc.

For writing time, I would make up for it later in the morning after the kids were in school, but if I had a busy day and lots of things to do, I wouldn't get as much time and that would frustrate the hell out of me.

I made a very conscious effort last night to get in bed before midnight and drag my ass out of bed at 6.

And here I am 6:21, writing and drinking coffee. Yay me!

Of course at 11 tonight when I am slumped on a couch at work, fighting desperately not to fall asleep, I will most likely curse myself for getting up so early.

Right now, I am patting myself on the back.

I am realizing that with writing on this blog every day, that there are going to be stretches where I am not going to have anything really exciting or funny to impart. It's been a two day stretch of just basic hum-drum.

So I guess I'm asking to just bear with me, I'll think of something good.

Friday, December 07, 2012

Brief Bee Update

The girls are looking swell.

I went in today to feed them some dry sugar and a pollen patty. Several of them flew out and charged right at me.

No stings, thankfully.

I am smart and I always wear my veil, even in winter. They are very protective of their hive right now. I also don't smoke them in the winter, I just get in and out as quickly as possible.

So that is good. Everyone looks good. I'll be checking and/or feeding bi-weekly, depending on the temperature, the weather and how paranoid I get.

I have an empty hive ready to go for the Spring. My friend just decided that she is going to build bee hives for some extra cash and something to do. She says I get her first hive that she makes for free because I let her borrow my empty hive to use as a guide.

So that's a plus. I'm thinking splitting the established hive, if they need it and buying some new bees in the Spring. Keep your fingers crossed.

I wish I had something more entertaining to write here, but I have too many things clattering around in my head like bills to pay, Christmasy things to do, and my dreaded 16 hour shift looming in a mere 17 hours. And I have to work on my story. I have been out all day and just sat down a little while ago.

I'll try to come up with something good by tomorrow morning. See you then.

Thursday, December 06, 2012

The Awesome Pillow

I am so happy I found that site I mentioned yesterday. I'm very excited that I got that pillow for G. She is so amazingly easy and delightful to shop for.

I think it's because she has excellent taste. I would go so far to say that it may be even better than my own. It's good because I know that I will be the best dressed and accessorized woman in the nursing home someday, thanks to that girl.

I was so excited about the coming pillow and how much she is going to love it that I took her aside this morning and informed her that I had gotten her a very special present from me, to her, for Christmas.

I told her that she would have to open it while sitting on the toilet Christmas morning because she would love it so much, that as soon as she saw it, she would shit her pants.

I told her that we could also look into diaper options so she could unwrap it in front of the tree.

She said, "MOM! I don't wear diapers!!!"

I replied, "The toilet it is."

I can't wait for Christmas.

Wednesday, December 05, 2012

Just saying Hi

Got some writing done today on my big story. I have a lot of organizing things that need to be done.
Writing every day either in here or working on something else is my #1 priority after taking care of all the living things in the house (people and menagerie).
Now I have to tend to the other things that need doing.
If you get a minute, this website has some really awesome things on it for sale. Always go to Etsy but here is a nice alternative. I got G a Dr Who Tardis/owl throw pillow that is just spectacular and V & G got a Dr Who T-shirt apiece. The site is called Society6

Here is the beyond amazing pillow

I need to go and do stuff now.

Tuesday, December 04, 2012

Groundhog Day

I get this weird feeling that I have posted this picture before.

I took Lyd up to Boston Children's hospital for her yearly check-up with the neurologist yesterday.

As far as visits to Children's hospitals go, it's actually a pretty fun day. We take a very scenic route through Dedham and along the Charles river to get there. I think it's Dedham..I always forget the names until I start driving.

I had a minor anxiety attack while turning onto Brookline Avenue. I had to tell Lyd to stop talking so that I could focus on city driving, but really it was so I could focus on calming myself before I really freaked out.

My eldest child has disabilities both physical, which are minor, and mental, which will make it so she will either have to live with me or another family member, or in some sort of assisted living for the rest of her life.

In the grand scheme of things I am terribly fortunate. She can do many things to take care of herself. She can talk, she can spend time by herself at home. She can read, She could get out of the house if there was a fire and deal with strangers appropriately.

I of course find myself often mired in thoughts of what she cannot do. Which is actually not all that much if you really dissect it. But, she does not live the life of your average 18 year old, and that makes me sad. She is happy in her life though.

I also work with adults with autism and other things. Having a child of my own in the same situation gives me a good perspective, especially when dealing with families. I am in the club with them. I totally get where they are coming from because I am there too.

It's funny, working where I do and having my own child with similar challenges sometimes makes me feel like Bill Murray in Groundhog Day. My daughter and my clients all talk about the same things and do the same things day in and day out. It's the same old record played over and over. It's the nature of the beast. It can make you want to bang your head against the wall sometimes.

My anxiety attack stemmed from recently having to deal with some health related issues arising at my work. It is a challenge to meet the needs of the clients sometimes, emotional and physical. As my clients get older, their needs change and all in all it is an enormous responsibility. Unfortunately, not all of the people I supervise see it the same way, which is very frustrating and does not make my job any easier.

Taking that left onto Brookline Ave, I began to think of being in that position 30 years from now, with my own daughter aging. I began to worry about whether her needs would be met, where she would be and who the fuckwads responsible for her well-being would be. It all came crashing on me in a huge wave of panic.

By the time I parked the car I was under control again, the appointment went well and we had lunch and were back on the highway heading home.

I began to get very sleepy, so I asked Lyd for her bag of chips that she saved from lunch, thinking that eating them would wake me up and I could get another bag for her when we got home.

Lyd was very angry about having to share her chips. My promise of more chips of the same variety later on was met with open hostility, much huffing and angry body jerks. She said that they didn't sell Salt & Vinegar Cape Cod chips in Rhode Island.
I replied that that was bullshit.

I was surprised at her response. I was surprised at how angry I got. I screamed at the top of my lungs and flung the half eaten bag of chips at her lap.

Not a very good parenting moment. I think that it was my earlier anxiety resurfacing, bringing with it several other things that have been bothering me. Then I took it all out on her and what I perceived as my kid being a selfish jerk.

We got home and she went up to her room to lie in bed and sulk. I went to the store and bought a large bag of Salt & Vinegar chips and refilled her empty bag that I threw on the floor of the car. I apologized to her. It still took her an hour or so to stop sulking, but in the end she came downstairs and we all laughed about the silliness of the whole event. All over a small bag of chips.

Here is another surprising thing that took me a while to realize.
To me they were a measly little bag of potato chips, but to my daughter, who has trouble seeing that far into the future, they were a very very big thing. Giving them up really sucked. I had forgotten that despite having a happy life for the most part, her life is small compared to the rest of us. For her, giving up a little bag of chips is equivalent of having a car break down.

Next time, I'll get my own bag of chips to say the least. The big fight we had was over a small thing but I think it was a surprisingly normal occurance between mothers and daughters. I will try to not scream so loud next time.

And yet, I was surprised at how therapeutic it was to just yell like that. My stomach hurt for awhile after it and it was followed by a sense of euphoria. I let it all out and what was left was a blissful emptiness. I was so calm for the rest of the day and night.

Fuck it. I think I will scream like that more often. But in the privacy of my car or in my room, muffled by a pillow so that my family won't think I'm a complete lunatic.

Thanks for reading. I'll send you off on a lighter note.

I have been really trying to out-do myself with the Elf on the Shelf placement this year. Yesterday I put Steve, the Homicidal Christmas Elf, in the bathroom. V was startled to discover him in there while he was peeing first thing in the morning. V made me cover him with a facecloth because Steve watching him urinate was freaking him out.

Creepy isn't he?

Steve is now dubbed Steve the Homicidal Christmas Pervert. But I didn't tell my kids that name because I'd rather wait a few years before having to explain what a pervert is.

Sunday, December 02, 2012


I'm running late today. I'm usually up by 6:30. However, the sun rises later and my bed has the flannel sheets on it now. It is very hard to get out of bed.

Church today. Blech.

Last week I spent most of the Mass thinking of Hellboy, both the movies and the comics. The opening notes of the communion hymn sounded like the theme song to "Silver Spoons" and I had to tell Von not to do dance the Robot during the closing hymn.

Also, every time we go, one of the kids gets boogers on them right before we have to shake everyones hand for that "peace be with you" thing. It's a wonder that people still sit near us.

Actually, they have no choice. We get there 10 minutes late every time and we grab the closest empty pew.

I won't even mention what Von will do with boogers if I don't watch him carefully.

Peace and boogers be with you.

I'll put a good word in with the big guy for everyone.

Saturday, December 01, 2012

The Chair

Hi there, it's my Saturday morning rush to write something before I drop off the face of the earth for the next 16 hours.

I so want to stop working these marathon shifts, but there is no good alternative at the moment.

This shift is the sacrifice I make in order to have 4 days off a week, so I really need to shut the hell up.

I have funny stories and comments a lot about my husband, because he is a very funny guy. Most of the time he is funny without meaning to be.

The problem I run into, actually it is a problem that I may run into in the future, is that people who know him read this and then see him and may make a comment like:

"Hey, I read on your wife's blog that you were outside at 10:00PM in freezing weather using an electric handsaw because you suddenly decided at 9:00 that you just had to fix that fucking chair."

B is a private person, not because he has anything to hide. He just doesn't like to share unless it's with me when I am trying to do something else.

Writing about my life in a public forum must make me an over-sharer.

But I like to write about funny things and I like to share them.

I keep a collection of stories in my head that I think of when times get hard or my thoughts start taking a turn South.

When someone tells me that they liked my last post or that they laughed out loud, it makes me think that these stories in my collection are worth telling.

Maybe they'll remember and laugh about my father wearing a girdle, or Steve the Elf on the Shelf banging the Tooth Fairy, when they are having a bad time.

Maybe they'll be having a bad day, read this and laugh. Suddenly the day wouldn't be so bad. I think that would be the best.

For the record, B did hold me as his hostage/surgical scrub nurse, standing by to assist in his endeavor to fix that fucking chair after 9 PM. We ended up putting that chair away after it didn't work out. I didn't tell him that I told him so.

Maybe I'll get him a new chair for Christmas. That I'll have delivered to the psych ward after I have him committed.

Shhh-don't tell him I said so.

Friday, November 30, 2012

Busy Day

The other day, when I was arranging that clandestine meeting between Steve and the tooth fairy, I found letters by Steve that the kids wanted him to take to Santa.

I was relieved when I read them that the kid requests were not that outlandish and that I had gotten them the correct things.

I didn't go crazy, but they should have a good time.

I have lots to do today and have cut way back on my caffeine intake (again) I'm going to try save my creative energy to write some more on that story and submit my last count to NaNoWriMo.

I won't make 10,000, but pretty close and that is something to say the least. Too bad I didn't count all my posts.

See you tomorrow-I'm off to savor the first of my two measly cups of coffee.

Thursday, November 29, 2012

And then I said, "No really never tell your Dad that!"

I want to write about a story a friend shared with me last night about this guys she works with who wouldn't do what he was supposed to be doing this one time because he was glued to the TV watching the sex scene from "Top Gun". If you knew the guy and the circumstances, I promise you that you would laugh about it forever and the thought of it would get you through the dark times.

I just can't do it justice. I will tell you that that particular Top Gun fan is a character that I have been thinking of writing about for sometime. I just haven't whittled the story out yet.

But I do have an excellent story to share, from just this morning.

G lost her tooth last night. She still believes in the tooth fairy (although I tell her that it's me, she still doesn't believe it.)

So I put the usual 10 quarters and a pack of Juicy Fruit under her pillow, patting myself on the back for remembering to do it this time.

I am guilty of forgetting about taking the tooth and leaving something, only to have one of the kids find it the next morning. When this happens I either say, "Let me look." In my palm I have the quarters and gum and I slip my hand under. I bring it out and exclaim, "Here it is! The tooth fairy must have forgotten the tooth."

More often than not, I act outraged and exclaim that the tooth fairy is shiftless layabout and I am going to contact someone about this.

Then the next night she comes, leaves the goods and takes the tooth. Shiftless layabout..

I patted myself on the back and then decided that it would be great to put Steve the homicidal Christmas elf in the girl's room too. (You all know the whole Elf on The Shelf routine with his being moved every night because he is supposed to run back to the North Pole and tell Santa about their behavior? You know, I tell the kids I'm Santa and they don't believe me. I can assure you if that fucking elf walked up and started talking to me, I would either run screaming or attack.)

So here is Steve in the girl's room on a shelf above G's bed, she has a fantastic loft set up of which I am quite jealous.

I would like to add that I left the door to the girl's room open so that if he tried anything, I could get in there quickly.

The next morning we were discussing the fact that Steve was in the room:

G: I wonder if Steve saw the tooth fairy? Was he like, "Who are you?"

V:(In a very shifty, goofy voice) I wonder if Steve and the tooth fairy engaged in some casual


V is 7 by the way.
I laughed my ass off and asked him if he even knew what that means (I suspect he gets the idea in some way)

He said no. I asked him where he heard that. His reply was that he saw it on a commercial

For 2 1/2 Men.

They also watch a lot of the Simpsons so I imagine they caught a racy episode somewhere.

I, of course after laughing (a lot),assumed my supportive parenting role and we had the conversation about not talking about these things with his friends because other parents may not like that and he'd be known as the "Boy Who Let The Cat Out of The Bag".

I also told him he should ask his father if he wanted to know what casual sex meant.

**Parents of children my kids associate with-They are entirely different at home-they aren't going to swear or say things that you don't want your kids to hear, I promise-the kids and I talk about this all the time. The only reason why I am relaxed about language and don't freak out when they come out with these things is that they know the appropriate time and place.**

Later on I was tying V's shoe and I hoisted his foot onto my leg to do so and V said that he almost hit me in the wiener. I said very matter of fact that women do not have wieners. Boys have penis's and girls have vaginas. I told him that he should never tell a woman she has a wiener.

But feel free to tell his father that he has a vagina.

Wednesday, November 28, 2012


I am reaching the end of NaNoWriMo with a measly 7 thousand plus words but I'm Ok with it.
I still get up in the morning to write, except lately I just go on the computer and do dumb things like stare at Facebook, although I did take advantage of Cyber Monday early that day.
The only Christmas shopping I have left is the nice kind that takes you to tiny fun stores and the mall maybe once or twice.
I also have to make a lot of shit, but that is Ok. That has a planned start date of Dec 1st.

The bees are still alive and very lively sounding when I put my ear against the side of the hive and knock.

There is a very large hawk using the tree on the corner that I can see from my window. He is there quite often. This is a good thing because I get a bit of bird watching from my window fix. I also don't feel so bad about not having a bird feeder out because that would just be easy pickings for the hawk.

I like this picture of toilet paper. The colors are very soothing.

I thought of this great thing the other day as I read a post on Facebook about running out of paper towels.

If you get really mad at your spouse, here is a fun passive aggressive thing to do to get back at them.

Clear the bathroom and surrounding areas of all paper products (kleenex, paper towels, everything) Time it for right before their routine long trip to the bathroom. Then take the kids out just as they go in. Got to take the kids out so they don't hear the cries for paper.

Play stupid when you get back and he (or she) is very upset with you for not refilling the bathroom with paper. Tell them they should have looked before they crapped.

Of course you can't even bother doing this little passive aggressive prank on the kids. My kids anyways. They would just hoist up their pants and go. Disgusting little creatures.

For the record, if I was in the same predicament, I would just jump in the shower.

Monday, November 26, 2012

Sunday Chat

Sundays can be tough sometimes. I work 16 hours the day before and I am always up at the crack of dawn to have some time to myself before everyone gets up and starts bothering me to do something for them.

It always feels like I manage to grab a moment to sit down and read the paper and someone comes in (B) and starts to give me crap about something I did or did not do. Yesterday morning was no exception.

B:I'm going to drink the rest of your water (B likes to hijack my water glass and take it for his own, just for the record)

Me: Great

B: But unlike you, I am going to refill it after I drink it.

Me: Uh-huh

B goes to the fridge and refills my water glass from the pitcher. B brandishes the pitcher at me

B: And now I'm going to refill the pitcher, which you never do.

Me: (B finally has my attention) I don't do these things on purpose so that you can do them yourself and feel like you are better than me and then you get to make your "I'm exasperated" coughing noises that you love to do. Where else would you get your over inflated sense of superiority?

B: I don't make exasperated coughing noises

Me: Yes, you do, all the time, I'll point it out to you the next time you do it. It's ridiculous. Honestly, it sounds like you're choking on a dick.

B: (Laughing) Maybe you can "blog" about this. (He makes air quotations-he likes to make fun of my writing here)

Me: I think I will.

I won't even get into what transpired later that day when B loudly announced that he needed to borrow my hand lotion.

Friday, November 23, 2012


So we had pie, then some more pie and then we saw Life of Pi.

The pie crust was good but some tweaking will be done on the flavoring. It was a bit bland.

Every time I make pie, V insists on one of us pushing his face into his slice.

The movie was good. I accidently scratched V during a rather intense scene. I kept jumping, and V was on my lap. But it was a very very good movie. I'm glad that we decided to skip Rise of the Guardians for it.

As per tradition, Steve the homocidal Christmas elf was waiting for us when we returned from the movies.

Actually, this is an old picture. B's Mom sent him for the kids. They love him, but I just don't trust the look on his face. The kids laugh when I tell him he better watch his step or I'm kicking him out. Another tradition.

We're off to Worchester this morning and perhaps ice skating later on. My only Black Friday purchase may be a hairbrush for G because hers fell apart.

Thursday, November 22, 2012

Happy Thanksgiving!

I'm up early to write for a few hours. Then I'm making the pies (pumpkin and apple crisp).

I got a small turkey this year so that will go in around 1-ish. We'll eat around 4. This year I'm going to make the usual potatoes and "Mommy" rutabagas. I think there is a back story about that somewhere on here. I'm doing creamed onions for the first time and I think I will actually make a salad as I have the ingredients.

It should also help the passage of all that cream and butter through our colons.

I love Thanksgiving. It has become my favorite holiday. A wise friend once told me that it is her favorite because it doesn't involve costumes or presents. I have adopted that thought (although I will say that Halloween has to tie with it a little if just for the way air feels and smells on that night)

I have a client that constantly asks me what I am doing for Thanksgiving. Although said person already has heard me tell them what I am doing. I know it's just an "in" for that person to talk about what they are doing. So I make things up to keep our conversations fresh.

So this year after dinner, the whole family will gather together on a rickety wooden platform and take turns diving into a shark infested barrel of water. The person who makes it out alive gets the extra piece of Thanksgiving peanut brittle. (No this is not a metaphor for what happens at the dinner table)

In reality we stay home, I cook for my immediate family which includes B,V,G and Horst. Lyd went with her family this year. After dinner we'll go to the movies to see "Rise of the Guardians". Before bed I'm going to force the kids to sit and listen to me read "The Thanksgiving Visitor" by Truman Capote. The we'll continue with "The Hobbit" if I don't fall asleep.

What do you guys do? I'd love to hear.

I am thankful for Thanksgiving
Have a lovely Thanksgiving.

Wednesday, November 21, 2012

The Little Red Hen

I made my first pie crust today. I think it came out OK. We'll see when I actually have to roll it out and bake it tomorrow morning. But so far..

Baking season is upon me. I bake a number of different things. I only use a few cookbooks. I don't have too many as they are usually very thick and take up so much room.

I did get a new one this year called The Homemade Pantry

I use it all the time now and the woman who wrote it has a nice blog with good stuff on it too. Her names Alana Chernilla her blog is here

Every baking/Christmas season comes with the cookie fight.
My husband is a very kind generous man who loves to give people things during the holidays. Mostly things I make.

I put my foot down with the honey though.

I swore this year I wasn't going to make the cookies, I would only make enough for my family and actually enjoy the baking process and not feel stressed out. "I'm going to eat the cookies all by myself!" just like the Little Red Hen with her loaf of bread.

Sadly, since putting my foot down at throwing free honey at the masses, it looks like I will be baking again for them.

I will try to plan and stretch it out so that I don't feel rushed, but I suspect that by the end of this Holiday season I may feel like the other Little Red Hen, holding a mixing bowl and feeling like the sky is falling.

Oh well.

Tuesday, November 20, 2012


Yes that was certainly quick. I am officially sold out of honey for the year.

But if all goes well, if my bees make it through the winter, there will be honey again next year. It is a very uncertain thing because who knows what could happen between now and then. I will also be definitely adding a new hive and possibly split the old one if needed. Those new ones will most likely take another 16 months to establish before I can take honey from them.

If any of you ever hear of someone selling their hives, tell me please.

I'm going to go to my hive today and check in. And give it big hugs.

Today I am thankful for all of those people who bought my honey and for those who didn't get to- I wish I had enough for everyone.
And I am thankful for all you who take the time to read my silly ramblings.

Thank you!

Monday, November 19, 2012

It's here! and Pretty Much All Gone!

So I did it and here is my first crop of honey, all jarred up and labeled.

It took me about 16 months to get to this point. Total was about 16 pounds all together. I jarred up 24 all nice nice and gave a 1 pound jar to my wonderfully creative friend Heather of whom I have spoken of before who designed the label for me.

I love keeping bees. I love having honey to sell. I have plans of expanding this coming Spring and so on and so forth.
I finally figured out what I want to do when I grow up. 38 years of dicking around.

I like to think that my "doing" so to speak is keeping bees and telling stories.

I fully accept the fact that neither one will probably never be lucrative enough to pay the bills.

But that's what I have a job for.

So following what other people are doing online this week, I will state some stuff that I am thankful for.
Today I am very thankful for my bees. I really love my girls. Even more than my dog.

I call this hive "Cabbage Hive" I'm hoping to install Epstein soon.

Books So Far

I have a lot of catching up to do on my other story. there is no way at this point that I would reach the NaNoWriMo goal of 50,000 words by December 1st. Even if I cheated and added everything I already wrote in previous months.

If I really wanted to win whatever prize they're giving (I never checked) I would probably have to don a pair of adult diapers, lock myself in a room with a bit of food and water and have at it. However, the bangs on the door of my family trying to break in would most likely prove too distracting, so I have to be satisfied with bits and pieces daily and just being happy with the fact I did something.

The really awesome thing about NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month for those who may not know) for me is that is has gone a long way into getting me into the habit of writing every day. Structure and incentives are good for me.

For this past month, I have gotten up every morning at 6:15-6:30 and I fire up the computer and write something. Even if it's on here.

Later on I will sit for at least an hour and write more. That is when I turn this great application called Freedom on and that prevents me from going on the internet for however long I want. Huge help.

I hope that works-the link isn't showing up in the preview. I really need to work on my computer skills if I want to keep writing here.

So in addition to writing a lot, I read a lot. A few years back after reading an article where some apple bigwig claimed that people never read anymore and that is why they didn't have a version of the Kindle (It was right after the Kindle came out)I decided to keep track of how many books I read each year. I posted it last year here and the year before on Facebook.
I'm eventually going to get back onto GoodReads as well, but I don't have the time right now. But for the Hell of it, I'll share some of what I have read so far this year. I asterisked those books that I really liked.

1. The Night Circus
2. Monsters of Men***
3. A Monster Calls***
4. Steampunk!***
5. Nocturnes
6. The Infernals
7. Death Comes To Pemberley
8. Stay Awake
9. Miss Peregrine's Home for Peculiar Children***
8. Good Omens***
9. The Hunger Games
10. Catching Fire
11. Bird by Bird
12. Mockingjay
13. Squirrel Seeks Chipmunk***
14. On Writing
15. Gods Behaving Badly
16. The Graveyard Book***
17. Willpower***
18. Room
19. Lamb The Story of Biff, Christ's Childhood Friend***
20. The Wind In The Keyhole***
21. That's Disgusting
22. The Hunger Games (again-I know-shut up)
23. Catching Fire
24. Mockingjay
25. Daughter of Smoke and Bone
26. This is How***
27. American Gods***
28. Girl With The Dragon Tattoo
29. A Wizard of Earthsea
30. The Tombs of Atuan
31. The Farthest Shore
32. A Wrinkle in Time
33. Tehanu
34. The Wind Through The Keyhole (again)***
35. The Amber Chronicles volume 1
36. Gregor The Overlander
37. Gregor and The Prophecy of The Bane
38. Anansi Boys***
39. Neverwhere***
40. Shadow Of Night
41. The Glass Castle
42. I Suck At Girls***
43. Anansi Boys***(again)
44. Shadow Show
45. The Giver

Good Year so far-I pretty much liked everything, some more so than others. Yes, I know, I like a lot of science fiction/fantasy and young adult. I will continue with my ritual and post the remaining books and grand total on New Year's day.
Ok going now, thanks for reading.

Sunday, November 18, 2012


I love my father in a weird way and despise him at the same time. He can be exhausting.

At this point, my feelings really don't matter that much in the situation because love him or not, I let that man live in my house.

He lives in the basement.. It's a pretty good deal, he contributes to the household and in lieu of Christmas presents every year, he gets me a pound of coffee whenever I want it from his coffee shop.

It can be frustrating to have him around. He doesn't clean his little apartment very well and he does very silly financial things.

I won't go into too much detail except to say his Swiss Colony account is up in the thousands.
At first I was flabbergasted. How the fuck do you spend a thousand dollars on meat logs and fruitcake? It's not like his shelves are stacked with vacuumed packed sausages.

Turns out, Swiss Colony sells clothes of the non-Leiderhosen variety.
Who would have thunk?

I spent last Sunday taking back control of my basement bathroom, which is technically his, but we share the washer and dryer in there. For a long time he was using a garbage bag for a curtain. I'm sure you all have seen in an earlier post his solution to actual dusting is to drape old cloth diaper rags over everything.
In fact, I took control of my rag supply again, taking them off everything and washing them. Now I have new rags too!
And now a new bathroom. We got a new washer, so I followed my spanking new machine with a proper curtain and slapped some new shelf paper on the dusty shelves. I scrubbed all the gross pipes and we even spray painted the rusty basebord.

I think I was waiting for a long time for Horst to get off his ass and clean something. I realize now it's kind of on me to do certain things.

He's old, he was raised a certain way and he also works a ridiculous amount of hours not to mention, takes a 45 minute bus ride to get there.
So I took back the bathroom and now I clean it too. If you come over and one of the kids is stinking up the upstairs bathroom, I might just ask you if you'd like to use my other bathroom with a hint of pride in my voice.

I got up at 6:45 so I had some time to write on here and work on my other story.
Horst has the day off. He set the smoke detector off at 6:50 AM and the smell of burnt Brown and Serve sausage has permeated my house.
Happy Sunday Folks.

Saturday, November 17, 2012

I have to get ready for my long shift in about 15 minutes.

I kind of hate Saturdays for this reason. It's not so bad when i get there and I get busy, but right now, an hour and fifteen minutes before start time really sucks.

What sucks as well is that I work until midnight, then I have to get up early and go to Mass with the family. Yes. A Catholic one. No me myself, I am not Catholic. My husband is and it's weird because he doesn't agree with a lot of that stuff-you know what I mean.

I am not going to get into why I agree to go to church or anything like that for now. It's too long winded and I just do not have the inclination at the moment.

But the church burns is kind of expensive. It bugs me.
I don't mind giving to charity-in fact I was donating 1/2 of my honey sales to an apiary in Brooklyn. They 're not taking any more donations so I'm going to buy a beehive for some poor person through Heifer International and then make a donation to the Red Cross.

So every week, I gotta give a check in the Ol' envelope.
Then they have these things like taking photos for the church directory. They said that is was an opportunity for a "free" family photo.
That was quite the fiasco. I had to bring the whole crew to pose for picture. Brian said no to my suggestion that we dress up as Kiss. He's no fun at all.

We waited for ever, then we posed forever. The photographer was this surly woman who wouldn't settle for anything mediocre. I couldn't figure out what the hoopla was about until she sat us down and began the hard sell. We got the "we are doing this for free and don't you want to support your church bit. Of course the children were bedazzled by all the nice pictures. We left almost 200 dollars poorer. And then the envelope that Sunday.. I do admit the church gets very little when it soaks us for something like that. Here is a photo of our family photo. i wish I was computer savvy enough to photo shop some Kiss make up

Isn't it nice? Now I have 3 of these kicking around the house, I have no idea what to do with. Want to buy one? They're covered in Irish linen!

They have this thing too called Faith Direct, which takes the money directly out of your bank account each week. I decided that if I am forced to do such a thing, they are going to get a dollar a week.

CCD costs a lot of money, so that week was a poor donation week, but the real kicker was the Harvest Festival. B took the kids (I had to work) and somehow or other V won a goldfish. To me it's the worst thing.

It's supposed to get big and live in a Coi pond. I know it's just a 25 cent fish, but still it's not disposable. I know it's just a cheap feeder fish, but I don't have anything to feed it to. I always feel really bad for goldfish.
They could've splurged for Betas. They are great bowl fish. How many people were they expecting to go to a silly Harvest Festival anyways. I think they could've spent a little more money to get a more suitable fish. Many of those goldfish bought and won that day probably died. I guess that pro-life stuff doesn't pertain to feeder fish.

So that following Sunday, after church, I found myself having to go out and purchase a little tank, gravel and of course the fish just HAD to have Sponge Bob's house. Because the poor fish would be so much poorer without a $10.00 replica of Sponge Bob's house. I think the grand total for that one was close to $50.00.

The church is lucky I didn't have to make these purchases on Saturday night because they would've found a Petco receipt in the church envelope the next day.

But there is a little bit of hope for me and this whole church business.

I'm talking B into taking the kids to church on Saturday night, so I don't have to go on Sunday. So there is a benefit to working late on a Saturday.

As for the fish, he was just a little white and gold thing and I paid him no mind until he began to mature. He started to grow a little patch of dark skin just above his upper lip. With that I began to love him, little Burt Reynolds. I'm planning a Coi pond for sometime in the future for my little mustached friend.

I think I'll put the receipt for that in the collection envelope.

Wednesday, November 14, 2012

The Trilogy part 2

Crap-I just wrote a disclaimer and promptly lost it. So here is a shorter one. I started this much earlier and then I had to do other things. Now I'm trying to get this out so I can do some other things, like clean the puke that my asshole cat just left on my couch. Well at least she's eating most of it.
So yes-this probably sucks but then again I did write 2193 words today for the really long story I have been working on, so I feel this totally justifies a crappy no picture post. I'll try to do better tomorrow

It's 7 AM and I actually have a clear 15 minutes in which to write a post before everyone gets up. I like to get up before everyone else and on certain days, I make it a point to write at least a few paragraphs first thing when I get up. On days when I have to work 16 hours, it feels like a really nice accomplishment. I'm beginning to find that if I do not write, I spend the rest of the day feeling rather guilty about it, and that screws up my day.

We watched Moonrise Kingdom last night. My brother in law mentioned that his family saw it over the summer. I've been dying to see it and when i found it at Red Box, I thought it would be something for all of us to watch.

My husband neglected to mention that my brother in law mentioned a part that made him really "embarrassed"
I was totally unprepared for the part when the kids are kissing on the beach and the girl mentions that the boy is "hard".
This was an awkward moment when B and I looked at each other and then said with much enthusiasm that it was getting late and everyone should go to bed.

I wonder if my parents felt the same way when we saw Conan The Barbarian on Preview the first time. Or Quest for Fire. It was probably worse. I think I was 9 or 10 watching those movies.

I feel awkward enough watching sex scenes with my husband. I can only imagine what it will be like when the kids are old enough to watch such things.

It's not that I'm a prude, but porn really does nothing for me and drawn out movie sex scenes just kind of get old after a few minutes.
But I guess it is my little opinion against the world.
Enjoy your long sex scenes you perverts.

Anyhow, Moonrise Kingdom was a great movie and the kids liked it. I'll let them see the rest of it. I recommend it, but be prepared to either fast forward or feel really awkward for a minute.
Christ-the parents of the kids in the movie must have been saying, "Oh God" to themselves at the movie premiere sitting next to their kids that were in the movie. I bet that was wierd.

Moving on. I got braces. I am a brace face.
It is a good thing because I have always disliked my teeth. I got made fun of a lot in school, especially junior high. The other kids used to call me "rat" and say I was ugly. All sorts of charming cruel things that pre-teens are famous for.

Funny thing. I have not been in junior high for over 25 years, but some of the shit those people used to say to me still sting. The treatment I got way back then really infiltrated my psyche. My perception of how I think people think of me is really out of whack. Anyways,at least I think it is

I used to think that people didn't like me. I would actually get shocked sometimes when people let their kids over my house to play with my kids because in the back of my head I'm still stamped as someone who should be avoided or made fun of.

My favorite example was my friend Joanna's first offer of friendship to me. We both were bringing our kids to swim classes. Her kids were right before mine. She came up to me and gave me her card and said that we should get coffee sometime.
I looked at the card and noted that she had an MSW. I instantly thought that I must really look like I need help or something.

I'm learning over time that people do not instantly think I am a bad person just by looking at me. I'm getting over my annoying social phobias bit by bit and over time I've been letting go of a lot of the bad things that were done and said to me so long ago.
Not everything was all that bad either. I had some friends at school and I have some very good friends that I still have had since even before I was a teenager. Not a lot of people can say that.

I got braces because I need implants (tooth, not boobs just for the record). I want to have a full decent set of teeth that will take me far into old age. If the world is still here after December 21st of course.
But I also got braces for that little girl who felt ugly and lonely and unliked.
I have come a long long way from being that little girl, but she's still around.
Despite what all those other people said. I never thought she was all that bad.

Tuesday, November 13, 2012

No One Sleeps Naked in This House: Because Catching up is Hard to Do

No One Sleeps Naked in This House: Because Catching up is Hard to Do: I have OCD. It is a fairly mild case. More of an obssesive thought thing that involves me worrying about whether or not I locked the doors t...

No One Sleeps Naked in This House: Because Catching up is Hard to Do

No One Sleeps Naked in This House: Because Catching up is Hard to Do: I have OCD. It is a fairly mild case. More of an obssesive thought thing that involves me worrying about whether or not I locked the doors t...

Because Catching up is Hard to Do

I have OCD. It is a fairly mild case. More of an obssesive thought thing that involves me worrying about whether or not I locked the doors to the car or if I closed the curtains to all of the bedroom windows because that is what will keep out those Salem's Lot vampires. I admit fully that that thought kept me up for an extra 10 minutes last night, but I fought it, the curtains stayed open in the girls room and I am very happy to report that they are not vampires this morning,although G has a large welt on the back of her neck from some sort of bite....
Ok, so this OCD is making me obssessed with little snippets that I have been wanting to share here because I think that they are worthwhile for some reason. Out pops my other demon--procrastination. So I am going to re-cap a few silly things I have wanted to tell you about, then I can move on. There.

To start. I have been married for 10 years as of October 19th. It has been a happy satisfying affair for the most part. Few bumps in the road. But that comes with the territory. I think one of the best things about being married to my husband is that I learn new things about him all the time. Take this past Sunday for instance.

I was planning dinner for the evening and I was going to make German macaroni salad. I usually make potato salad to go with it and breaded and fried pork chops. I always place a Kaopectate tablet and a defibrillator in arms reach just to be safe, but damn it's good. I asked B if he wanted potato salad. He said, "Do whatever you want to do." I decided that since it was a busy day, I was going to skip the potato salad, because that was what I wanted to do. Later on, B said, "What? No potato salad?" I replied that I did not think that he cared. Evidently "Do whatever you want to do" means, "do what I want you to do, but you need to figure out exactly what it is." So in the end it means to make the fucking potato salad I guess.

This summer, I learned that B and I share my brain. He relies on my brain to keep track of our finances, appointments for the whole family, where things are, what we need to buy anywhere, birthdays, you name it. Sometimes I think that having to remember whose socks are whose takes up so much brain space that it is beginning to interfere with basic thought processes. I'll be accidently stabbing myself in the eye with a fork while trying to stick it in my mouth before you know it.

I realized this whole brain thing while we were folding laundry. I kept having to tell B the difference between my underwear and both of my daughters. I told him that he should be more forgiving of me when I forgot something, or said something dumb because all of the brain space I had to use to know where the socks go. He recognized this and pointed out that using my brain for these menial tasks allows him to use his brain space for important things, like political polls and hockey scores.

Since my epiphany, B has become a little protective of my brain space. He got panicky after I packed a small knife in our cooler for the trip to NJ so I could cut things. He said in a very worried voice that he was worried that thinking about where to put the knife where we wouldn't forget it will make the brain tired. I don't know if he was entirely kidding, and yes he refers to my brain as "the brain".

That jerk. I already reminded him this weekend that certain things will play a role in deciding who changes his diapers later in life. Me or Barry the surly CNA with chapped hands.
(I know I posted it already on Facebook-thought it was good enough to say it again.)

Later on in our trip, he was slumped at the computer trying to get tickets for our trip to the Metropolitan Museum of Art. He looked weary and very frustrated. I patted him gently on the shoulder and said, "Don't worry, the brain will help you" as I took the laptop out of his hands.

I'm looking at the time and have noticed that it is getting late and I have to go and work on my story. I'm participating in NaNoWriMo and I am very far behind. So I shall call my catch up posts the trilogy, This will be #1-The Brain, followed by #2-Braces and #3 Burt Reynolds-the mustached fish.

But before I go, Halloween night was a lot of fun this year. A bit sad because I knew that in other parts of the country, the lights were out and some people had lost their homes and lives. But, I was so happy to see that right before sunset, on that rather damp day, the air suddenly crisped up, and it was Halloween weather in what seemed like an instant. I was putting the Jack O Lantern's outside and I swear I felt the turn. It was Halloween magic. Thank you Great Pumpkin! Here are a few photos. I loved my pumpkins and have to show them one last time.

Barnabus Collins, The Doctor and a Dalek

I was Lizzie Borden

I was annoyed with the kids for demanding a Dalek pumpkin, but then it came out really nice


I carve a Cyclops every year in memory of my friend, Gig, who carved me my very first Cyclops pumpkin.

And the kids call this one the Vampire Platypus

And the Classic

Back again later, or tomorrow or most likely next week.

Wednesday, October 31, 2012

Happy Halloween

I started to write a post during Sandy but scrapped it. I've been meaning to write more today but between planting garlic because the Farmer's Almanac told me to and shopping for a new washing machine, I simply ran out of time. L just came home and I find it hard to do any sort of writing with anyone in the house because of the interruptions.

My mechanical/electronic things are starting to turn against me. So far my phone has died, the washing machine was declared dead this morning (for the low price of sixty bucks)and the check engine light went on in my car this morning as well. Great.

My children are always against me. That's just a fact of life for me. It appears that my pets may also being joining the throng.
After carving 5 pumpkins, 1 rather complicated. (the kids forced me) I spent a half hour sweeping and mopping up pumpkin guts. B was home so I made a point of being very thorough as I knew that trying to take shortcuts would earn me some sort of remark that would go straight up my ass.
I was finally finished and putting things away when I saw my cat drag her butthole down the entire length of the hall way, tumbling in her wake was a large lump of turd, still attached to her ass by a few hairs. (She eats dust bunnies) I shook my head, feeling a bit defeated and thought to myself that it just couldn't be coincidence.

In honor of Halloween I'd like to share a very funny conversation that I had with my daughter last night. They are very nervous about Halloween as you can imagine, with the weather being what it has been this week. G asked me what kind of candy I bought to give out. B said that it was the kind that you eat. I said to her, "Yes, as opposed to the kind that you have to put in your ass." B then spoke of these "rectal chocolates" being all the rage in Asia and the Middle East. I followed him up with a lecture of my own about being her age and the only kind of candy we had was the kind that we had to shove up our asses. Uphill. In a snowstorm. And we were thankful for it.
Of course she didn't believe a word I said, but it was a good laugh.

And last, on this All Hallow's Eve, be sure to take a moment to think of all those people who suffered devastation from Sandy. I still get to dress up and take the kids out, I have Jack O Lantern's and a home to put them in. For thank I am very, very thankful.
Happy Halloween!