Wednesday, November 14, 2012

The Trilogy part 2

Crap-I just wrote a disclaimer and promptly lost it. So here is a shorter one. I started this much earlier and then I had to do other things. Now I'm trying to get this out so I can do some other things, like clean the puke that my asshole cat just left on my couch. Well at least she's eating most of it.
So yes-this probably sucks but then again I did write 2193 words today for the really long story I have been working on, so I feel this totally justifies a crappy no picture post. I'll try to do better tomorrow

It's 7 AM and I actually have a clear 15 minutes in which to write a post before everyone gets up. I like to get up before everyone else and on certain days, I make it a point to write at least a few paragraphs first thing when I get up. On days when I have to work 16 hours, it feels like a really nice accomplishment. I'm beginning to find that if I do not write, I spend the rest of the day feeling rather guilty about it, and that screws up my day.

We watched Moonrise Kingdom last night. My brother in law mentioned that his family saw it over the summer. I've been dying to see it and when i found it at Red Box, I thought it would be something for all of us to watch.

My husband neglected to mention that my brother in law mentioned a part that made him really "embarrassed"
I was totally unprepared for the part when the kids are kissing on the beach and the girl mentions that the boy is "hard".
This was an awkward moment when B and I looked at each other and then said with much enthusiasm that it was getting late and everyone should go to bed.

I wonder if my parents felt the same way when we saw Conan The Barbarian on Preview the first time. Or Quest for Fire. It was probably worse. I think I was 9 or 10 watching those movies.

I feel awkward enough watching sex scenes with my husband. I can only imagine what it will be like when the kids are old enough to watch such things.

It's not that I'm a prude, but porn really does nothing for me and drawn out movie sex scenes just kind of get old after a few minutes.
But I guess it is my little opinion against the world.
Enjoy your long sex scenes you perverts.

Anyhow, Moonrise Kingdom was a great movie and the kids liked it. I'll let them see the rest of it. I recommend it, but be prepared to either fast forward or feel really awkward for a minute.
Christ-the parents of the kids in the movie must have been saying, "Oh God" to themselves at the movie premiere sitting next to their kids that were in the movie. I bet that was wierd.

Moving on. I got braces. I am a brace face.
It is a good thing because I have always disliked my teeth. I got made fun of a lot in school, especially junior high. The other kids used to call me "rat" and say I was ugly. All sorts of charming cruel things that pre-teens are famous for.

Funny thing. I have not been in junior high for over 25 years, but some of the shit those people used to say to me still sting. The treatment I got way back then really infiltrated my psyche. My perception of how I think people think of me is really out of whack. Anyways,at least I think it is

I used to think that people didn't like me. I would actually get shocked sometimes when people let their kids over my house to play with my kids because in the back of my head I'm still stamped as someone who should be avoided or made fun of.

My favorite example was my friend Joanna's first offer of friendship to me. We both were bringing our kids to swim classes. Her kids were right before mine. She came up to me and gave me her card and said that we should get coffee sometime.
I looked at the card and noted that she had an MSW. I instantly thought that I must really look like I need help or something.

I'm learning over time that people do not instantly think I am a bad person just by looking at me. I'm getting over my annoying social phobias bit by bit and over time I've been letting go of a lot of the bad things that were done and said to me so long ago.
Not everything was all that bad either. I had some friends at school and I have some very good friends that I still have had since even before I was a teenager. Not a lot of people can say that.

I got braces because I need implants (tooth, not boobs just for the record). I want to have a full decent set of teeth that will take me far into old age. If the world is still here after December 21st of course.
But I also got braces for that little girl who felt ugly and lonely and unliked.
I have come a long long way from being that little girl, but she's still around.
Despite what all those other people said. I never thought she was all that bad.

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