Wednesday, October 31, 2012

Happy Halloween

I started to write a post during Sandy but scrapped it. I've been meaning to write more today but between planting garlic because the Farmer's Almanac told me to and shopping for a new washing machine, I simply ran out of time. L just came home and I find it hard to do any sort of writing with anyone in the house because of the interruptions.

My mechanical/electronic things are starting to turn against me. So far my phone has died, the washing machine was declared dead this morning (for the low price of sixty bucks)and the check engine light went on in my car this morning as well. Great.

My children are always against me. That's just a fact of life for me. It appears that my pets may also being joining the throng.
After carving 5 pumpkins, 1 rather complicated. (the kids forced me) I spent a half hour sweeping and mopping up pumpkin guts. B was home so I made a point of being very thorough as I knew that trying to take shortcuts would earn me some sort of remark that would go straight up my ass.
I was finally finished and putting things away when I saw my cat drag her butthole down the entire length of the hall way, tumbling in her wake was a large lump of turd, still attached to her ass by a few hairs. (She eats dust bunnies) I shook my head, feeling a bit defeated and thought to myself that it just couldn't be coincidence.

In honor of Halloween I'd like to share a very funny conversation that I had with my daughter last night. They are very nervous about Halloween as you can imagine, with the weather being what it has been this week. G asked me what kind of candy I bought to give out. B said that it was the kind that you eat. I said to her, "Yes, as opposed to the kind that you have to put in your ass." B then spoke of these "rectal chocolates" being all the rage in Asia and the Middle East. I followed him up with a lecture of my own about being her age and the only kind of candy we had was the kind that we had to shove up our asses. Uphill. In a snowstorm. And we were thankful for it.
Of course she didn't believe a word I said, but it was a good laugh.

And last, on this All Hallow's Eve, be sure to take a moment to think of all those people who suffered devastation from Sandy. I still get to dress up and take the kids out, I have Jack O Lantern's and a home to put them in. For thank I am very, very thankful.
Happy Halloween!

Tuesday, October 23, 2012

F@*king NED

I promised to write a post a few days back about getting braces, the brain I share with my husband and the high cost of church going. This is not that post.

It has been crazy around here and I am suffocating at the moment under a mountainous pile of little things that need to get done, in addition to a lot of big things. I am trying not to get overwhelmed.

So one of my little things is going around the house and getting rid of stuff that has accumulated over the years. I dream of big empty spaces all over my house. In the meantime, the shit is piling up.

A few days back, I threw a NED yo-yo in the Salvation Army bag. The NED yo-yo is an overpriced yo-yo that is periodically sold at my children's school. It is supposed to foster self-esteem or prevent bullying through the art of yo-yo-ing or some crap like that. The damn things are expensive. Seeing as how the kids bought their NED yo-yo's 2 years back and never touched them again, I felt very safe in my decision to throw that yo-yo in the bag.

I think it was the very next day I pulled a NED advertisement for the fucking yo-yos out of G's book bag.

Just today my son came running up to me begging for a NED yo-yo. He was so angry that I said no he stepped on my foot.

Ironic. As ironic as the time I invited my friend out to coffee at a particular coffee shop for the sole purpose of avoiding a certain person, only to look up while sitting there to see that person smiling at me. But I suspect I told that story.

I think I have always struggled with the true, correct definition of irony. I blame Alanis Morrisette. But situations like this silly one make me really feel the meaning.

On a side note, It was G's stupid yo-yo that I got rid of. She had been keeping V's safe in her dresser for the past 2 years. So V got his yo-yo. Because G was so nice to keep V's yo-yo safe, she and I are splitting the cost of a new yo-yo, which she will bring into my cluttered house to add to the pile of untouched crap after a week I'm sure.

Thanks a fucking lot, NED

Wednesday, October 17, 2012


I think that next year I'm going to use the months of July and August to prepare for September. September is fucking crazy for me. We even threw in a road trip to boot. So now it's October. What I should be doing right now is working on my story so that that it will be done in time to start a new one for NaNoWriMo. I should be filling up the honey jars that just came in the mail or I should be down at the beehive taking out the drone comb and putting on the mouse guard for the Winter. Nope, I'm here. procrastinating again. I procrastinate writing blog posts as well so I feel like I am accomplishing a little something at least. Here are some pictures of what's been going on lately.
We took a road trip to Chicago. All 5 of us. I am not in jail for infanticide. I know! Amazing! It was actually an excellent time and I can't wait for our next trip

Here is V at the very scenic NJ spot

We went to yet another f-ing zoo and fed the stingrays, which was my favorite

We discovered a Dalek in the window somewhere in the North End of Chicago.

The clouds in the mountains were beautiful, but I was scared shitless

I hate heights. Especially when B drives up and down mountain roads like a maniac and the kids are in back gleefully yelling, "ROLLER COASTER!"

Here are a few random images:

I like the sign and the kids like posing with their stuffed animals for every damn picture.

I just liked this sign too.

And I finally harvested honey for the first time. 15 months of waiting finally paid off. I got just over 2 gallons. Here are some pictures of that:

The harvest itself went very smoothly thanks to Jessica. I put on a contraption called a bee escape and the next day I just took off the honey super and ran


A visitor hoping for a handout. I smeared a little honey on the screen for her.

OK-I have run out of steam. I need to bottle honey, fold laundry, and brush my teeth. Come back and hopefully tomorrow when I'll talk about my new braces, the brain that I share with my husband and how the church he makes me go to is putting us in the poor house!