Thursday, December 13, 2012

Conquering The Inner Squirrel

Why can't the squirrels around here look like this?

I am working on taming my "inner squirrel".

There are times, especially during the holidays, where I just have to get one more thing. Those things add up to a lot of things, and my bank account certainly does not appreciate it.

I used to spend money as a way to relieve stress. This was a very stupid technique, as I would follow up my spending by being even more stressed about the money I spent. Go figure.

But I would still have this urge to get more and more and more. It was a very twitchy, anxious feeling. Classic compulsion.

It reminds me of the way that a squirrel will run around frantically grabbing and storing nuts for the winter.

Isn't it true that 1/2 of those nuts get put in holes in the ground and are instantly forgotten? Total waste of energy.

The inner squirrel is sneaky and less obvious than the ordinary inner demons. Just like the real ones.

I used to hate squirrels, back when I had a bird feeder. I don't have it anymore and the neighborhood squirrels and I live in relative harmony.

But the inner one. It makes me squirm in my seat and screeches "BUY!BUY!" when I see another catalogue or get an email titled, "SALE! LAST DAY!"

I have learned to tell the squirrel to pipe down or he's getting the fucking hose.

I think in this season, everyone gets a little bit of the inner squirrel. There is always somewhere, that is having something, where people are buying more useless junk to throw on another person who is not important enough in their life or budget to warrant a real gift, a thoughtful one. (can you say Christmas coffee mug?). I think it is a way to say-"See, I got you something!" Sorry to sound like a Scrooge, but it is more of a way to alleviate guilt, than it is an actual heartfelt gift.

If someone out there really likes Christmas mugs and things like that-please accept my heartfelt apologies.

People get really offended when you insult crappy presents. Take the school's annual Holiday Shop.

My kids go every year to get gifts for us that we will never wear(except on Christmas) or in my case, are allergic to.

The kids do really try to put thought into the gifts and the musical ties are quite funny. But this year I was going to boycott it. Fuck The Holiday Shop!

I think B gets a musical tie every year.

I took the kids to a Holiday Bazaar at the local nursing home and they got some pretty good gifts there. I figured that on the day of the school Holiday Shop, I could slip them each two bucks to get themselves something.


G got $6.00 because she had to get something for her friend. Ironically, it was the friend whose mother has an intense dislike of The Shop as well. I though that was funny. I saw her Facebook thread about The Shop and some of the people commenting were VERY defensive in favor of The Shop.

V also got $6.00 because the only thing he bought at the nursing home bazaar was a stuffed triceratops for himself and a gift for G. The only reason he got a gift for G was as a bargaining chip in an effort to get her to reveal what she had gotten him for Christmas.

V has issues with waiting.

V said he wasn't going to get me anything from The Shop, instead he gave me a big hug and said that was my present. I pretended to be delighted and returned it with much enthusiasm, all the while thinking, "Cheap little shit." (I fully acknowledge my hypocrisy)

This morning, I saw what V had bought at The Shop. It was a little kit to grow a sensitive plant, one of my favorite plants.

Holding the package, I asked V, "Can I have this?"

Touche' Holiday Shop.

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