Wednesday, March 13, 2013

The Gus Project

When I was about G's age, I used to read my brother's copies of Mad Magazine. He had a lot of them.

There were a few that stuck with me, particularly this one about a bum, who gets a complete make over by a fairy godmother sort of person. Maybe it was a genie in a lamp. Not too sure.

This bum was still unhappy and dissatisfied with his life. The genie said that he should go out and find another down and out person just like he used to be and transform their life into something better.

So he does, he searches and finds this mess of a bum in an alley. The guy swings the bum up into a big bear hug, happily exclaiming that he found his person to fix.

The bum promptly shoots him dead.

I have social anxiety. I have worked hard to overcome it. It will never go away. Those horrid awkward, God this person thinks I am a complete asshole feeling I always get whenever I go anywhere.  With  the exception of fluffy pants shopping at Job Lot with Kevin of course:

My ease and comfort is evident by the look on my face. I love cheap fluffy pants. I have a pair. I got them for 4 bucks at Benny's. 

B hates my fluffy pants. He made me promise that I will never wear them in public. Seeing as how they have a big hole in the butt that I have yet to sew, I have acquiesced. 

He hates most of all the bad imitation of Sean Connery voice I use whenever we talk about my fluffy pants. I do it out of a sound sleep. B will get into bed and ask me if I am warm enough, I will respond in my bad Sean Connery voice, "Yes, I got the fluffy pants on." 

B usually will roll to the far side of the bed and state that I am either and asshole or douchebag. 

Then I giggle about it for the entire next day.

At BJ's I also got a fire axe and a yoga mat. For my arson yoga (hot yoga) class on Thursday with Heth and Jess. In case the place goes up, we'll be able to get out.

I had a big social anxiety breakthrough at Hot Yoga that other week. Heth was on the phone in her car, so I actually walked into the building myself. I saw a sign that said new students should go into the studio and introduce themselves. So I did.

I never do that. But I did. The sky didn't fall. The studio didn't go up in flames. The entire class didn't point their finger at me and laugh at what an asshole I was. 

Progress. I'm getting better. Next I may conquer another beekeepers meeting.

I was walking Gus today. We are working on walking appropriately and not pulling out my shoulder joint, especially when other dogs or people walk by. 

He is doing better. 

When he starts to flip out and bark, whine and pull at another dog, I have started making him sit and stay while the other dog passes. Not an east task. He is 75 pounds of mindless energy when he sees another dog. 

I realize that he has serious social issues. He needs to get out more.  

Just like the remaining hermit crab we have, who was lonely after partially eating his tank mate. (We got the crab a new tank buddy. A younger, smaller "woman" as we like to say. It worked too, it really has been bringing him out of his shell..Get it? I inadvertently made that comment to B one day and smacked my leg while laughing and repeating it for a good 10 minutes. B watched me with a slightly pained expression..) We helped him. He is happier for it.

Looking at that dumb asshole dog, I know that I need to work with him. I failed him. I didn't get him out as much when he was a puppy. Now he is a social mess.

I empathize. I used to be a social mess. The path is clear to me now. 

So begins "The Gus Project" 

I will take the damn dog out more in social situations. We will see other dogs, we will go to Petco together. We will go to the dog park. GOD HELP US. 

God help me I'm going to do it. It may be helpful to me to.

I just hope I don't get shot because of that dumb ass.

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