Tuesday, May 29, 2012
Of Orthodontics and the Apocalypse aka. I Should Have Gotten Those Damn Braces 5 Years Ago.
Let's face it. This blog is a receptacle for the really stupid things that go through my head. Bet you can't wait to read this latest one.
I need braces for my teeth. I need them pretty bad. My teeth have always been a very sensitive issue for me. Sensitive meaning that if someone were to comment about the condition of my teeth, it is very likely that someone will get hit with something. Very hard. So, I had the consultation and estimates done. It's looking like I would be wearing them for about 18-24 months and will get them off sometime around my 40th birthday.
I am hesitating however. It's not because of the cost, the way it will look, or the impending discomfort.
It's the apocalypse.
Think about it. How much will it suck for me, if I get the damn braces and the end of the world happens? Of course I wouldn't be one of the lucky first ones to get vaporized, crushed or devoured by the ravenous zombie hordes. I'd be the luckless asshole left, scraping to stay alive with braces stuck on her teeth for the rest of her Goddamn life. Yeah yeah I know, I can just take them off with pliers or something, but then the fucking teeth will get even more crooked having been shifted in the first place.
It's ridiculous I know. I don't stay up late in the night worrying and thinking post-apocalyptic thoughts about my family, civilization crumbling, lack of food and clean water, etc. I worry about how I will get the braces off.
I have the same problem with birth control implants. I decided against the IUD one in favor of the one that gets stuck in the arm. The actual reason being that if the end comes, I'd rather cut it out of my arm than go digging around you know where when it has to come out. (For the record, I have never once denied having serious mental issues)
Just yesterday I saw the news online about the guy eating the other guys face off in Miami. The attacker growled at a person that was screaming for him to get off the poor victim. He continued to chew on the man's face even after being shot. It seems that the South has a special kind of crazy person or it's the beginning of the end. I may bump up the date of getting the braces in the hope of beating this break down of civilization scenario.
Or I think I may have to try really hard to keep my orthodontist alive if the end comes.