I am fighting sloth and a mild case of mid-winter depression. The nice thing is that I do know what's going on in my head and knowing sometimes seems to be half the battle.
I do feel like things are starting to turn around a bit. I got the door necklace that I ordered. It was made specially for me by The Copper Camel on Etsy. You should check it out and buy things from her.
My sensitive plant that I mentioned in a previous post has finally sprouted and soon enough, it will be time to start planning the garden, order more bees and start setting some groundhog traps. Actually, I should just get off my ass and start planning now. Cheers! Something to do!
But I definitely should have left that yearbook at home. Needless to say, I was on the radar. I had been on the radar of the types of kids who pick on others for a long time. I didn't need a mohawk, punk rock clothes or anything else to put me there.
What put me there was a moment that I decided several days ago, was one of the most shiny, good moments of my life.
I was about 6 or 7. I was always a weird kid, my parents didn't provide the best care or discipline, so I was basically feral and a bit dirty. I had friends in the neighborhood, but a lot of times other kids didn't really like me. I think that I was generally tolerated on my street.
I did have a friend named Phillip, who was a few years older. Everyone thought he was weird, which he was. I liked him though. I think we used to play a lot of Star Wars together.
He had this crazy dog named Toby, who used to run all over the neighborhood. One day, these kids, who had just moved to the neighborhood, but lived in the new development behind our street, decided to trap Toby on their patio.
Phillip was really upset and kept on calling for them to let him out. They just laughed and kept Toby there. So I did what any good friend would do in defense of another friend.
I gave those kids the finger.
It was kind of crazy how much that one simple gesture, given to 2 other kids, who were obviously being assholes, set up this storm of hatred for me that lasted until high school.
Don't get me wrong. I did have some friends in elementary school and junior high. I suspect it was hard for those friends at times when the "cool" kids disliked me so much and would say mean things to me. No one at school ever really stuck up for me, but some of them stayed my friends despite everything. I don't blame them for staying silent. I am still thankful for them.
I'm thinking of this lately as I mentioned, because as I am wrapping up one story, I am thinking to my next one, which involves a bullied child. You saw my post about Amanda Todd.
I was lucky. So very lucky. I can honestly say that Punk Rock saved my life. I had a whole entire life that I could immerse myself in outside of school. It was 6 hours of hell and then over. I didn't have to worry about Facebook or hateful emails. I had good friends that let me forget for awhile.
I ended up having a bit of vindication in the end. surprisingly, the help came from the older sister of the girl that I flipped off so many years before. That is a story for some other day.
My eight year old self and probably my past selves up until the age of maybe thirty would probably want to kick my ass for saying this, but that day, the day that I stood there and flipped off those kids in defense of my friend, the moment that bought me years of pain that in some ways I may never get over
I wouldn't change that moment for the world
*I have so much more to say and a lot more stories for some other times. I'm a bit rushed today as my earlier sloth has caught up with me, so sorry if this whole post seems that way**